Spiritual Or Religious

A Pocket Full Of Holes

I don’t know what I want

Anymore

I don’t know where I belong

Feeling lost

Like a little boy

Fighting a grown-up’s war

Looking for cover

Under a sky full of holes

When did it happen

How did I lose control

I don’t know what I need

Anymore

I can’t tell you how I feel

Like I could before

Looking in the mirror

I don’t know who I am

Anymore

Where do I go now

I need to know

What am I going to do now

At one time I had it all

Now all that I have

Are pockets full of holes.

-1993-

Spiritual Or Religious

Ah, what came first, the chicken or the egg?

This debate has dragged on for centuries. Am I a spiritual person or a religious person? Many people never ask themselves this question.

There is this seemingly universal idea that if one goes to what ever church, temple, or mosque they belong to and regularly fulfills all of the duties and requirements of their religious teachings then they must be fully realized as a good person, devout follower, and spiritually centered being.

What if that proves not to be the case? What if going through the motions and running down the checklists of your individual religious practice does not guarantee spirituality? Hmmm, could there be more to it?

I believe that there is much more to personal spirituality than just following along with my fellow congregation members. I did that my entire childhood and early adulthood and when it really mattered, I had nothing. I was empty, broken, and alone.

I had been trained and lets go ahead and say indoctrinated into a religious philosophy and culture since I was a child. There is nothing wrong with this, I was taught and learned a values system that has and always will govern how I think and perceive certain things in the world around me.

I was never encouraged explore or even contemplate that there is a difference between being a spiritual person or simply a religious person. The two are very distinct and different things and each has to be recognized and respected on it’s own terms.

I have many friends and family members who do not attend religious meetings or participate actively in any particular religious practice. Does that mean that they are bad people or lesser people than I am because I choose to attend church and they do not?

NO, IT DOES NOT. Anyone who views the world and people around them in such a myopic view is an idiot, a bigot, a snob, and a jerk. It is nothing more than religious racism. Now that is an ugly term isn’t it? Well, this behavior is ugly.

There are millions of people that may not choose to actively participate in organized religions for various reasons and they are still good people. They live by a personal code of ethics and make decisions about how they live their lives in such a way that they believe to benefit both themselves and those with whom they interact with. They make a positive difference in the world.

There are just as many people that do actively participate in organized religions that are despots, scumbags, pedophiles, criminals, and just plain evil. There are those who use religious position and title to abuse the trust and faith of fellow members.

After all, just about every form of war and conflict that has been waged throughout history has been justified in the name of God since the creation of organized religion.

Can you be religious and lack spirituality? Certainly, history has proven this to be true time and time again. Think about the Crusades of the middle ages or maybe that little slice of heaven the Spanish Inquisition.

Can you be spiritual and not be religious? Yes, millions upon millions of people throughout history have also proven this to be true.

The challenge is to attain both in equal measure. This is a life in balance. It is hard to reach this level of personal development. It is all too easy to get mired down in the culture of your religion and lose sight of the individual spiritual component of who you are.

It is easy to think that because you are a good person and live your life doing good deeds like giving money to the homeless, recycling aluminum cans, separating your trash, driving a Toyota Prius and have that COEXIST bumper sticker on the back of your Prius that your spirituality is complete.

Both groups only have one half of the ingredients necessary to make a complete being.

The ability to integrate religion, philosophy, culture, race, nationality, and gender together in balance is a tough and complex journey. The thing I have found that works for me is that moderation in all these facets of my life make the components smaller and easier to effectively manage.

If you I spend too much time and energy focused on one thing then the rest will slide out of whack. It does not take long for things to become so out of balance that recovery seems impossible. I have been struggling with this dilemma since August 18, 1986. I did not even know I had this problem with my personal development until that day.

I had just been plodding along doing what I was supposed to do in my religion, my job, my family, and then the sky came crashing down and I realized that I was for the most part just going through the motions of being a spiritual person. The reality is that I had no idea what a spiritual person was or how to become one.

I am getting closer each day to this goal, but I still have a long way to go. Even after all this time it is still hard. The more experience and knowledge I gain sometimes makes it difficult because I rationalize and marginalize the effect and influence of God in my life. Someday, before I die, I hope I figure out how to get out of my own way and reach my fullest potential.

As I continue to travel on my personal journey I now wonder what do I do with my newfound spirituality when I come into complete ownership of it? I am striving for a fantastic level of personal growth. That attainment of balance carries with it a tremendous responsibility that I do not yet fully understand but I do realize exists.